Breast cancer is shit

My mother and I are currently on vacation at her old house. It’s a lovely place, beautiful scenery, beach just a minute away. Yesterday we visited an old family friend. Her daughter had breast cancer. She is 36 years old and had it on one breast. So they took tissue from the other one and put it on the one they operated on. They also had to put her ovaries “to sleep”. Basically they had to make it inactive because breast cancer is Estrogen dependent, and the ovaries produce Estrogen. So now she cannot have kids as well. She is single, a really beautiful, confident, successful woman.  I just feel so sad because everything seems to be going wrong. Both breast are extremely painful. The operated one is sore because it is retaining water, and now the tissue is getting hard.

How does one cope with all of this? She was diagnosed with it in last September and everything happened so soon. In the next 2 weeks she received the operation. She’s undergoing early menopause and she said before she was worse. She had mood swings, she’d get so angry that she’d bang doors.

How does she manage to cope? She always liked the possibiity that she’d have kids someday. But now its a flat no! How dies one make peace with the fact that you can never have children? i have no idea how i’d handle it. Actually, i have a pretty good idea. I’d be angry and very upset

I tried to speak to her but then we had to leave. It was just something that made me aware that anything could happen at any moment.

A few things that people think about South Africa

I love my country so much, its a wonderful place that has the best of everything: wonderful scenic route, amazing beaches, plenty of imports and exports. These are just a few things that i need to point out to people that aren’t true:

1. We do NOT  have lions, giraffes and elephants wandering around. South Africa happens to be one of the most developed countries in Africa. We have tall buildings, men that wear suits and coffee that comes in a cup. I hate it when people ask that question, its the the wild.    We have  reserves for that.  africa

2. When you walk out the door, you won’t get robbed. Even though crime is quite strong in our country, wait, its quite high everywhere. I rest my case.

3. Uhm, no, i didn’t meet Nelson Mandela. Nelson Mandela is one of the most famous people in South Africa. He, along with others fought against the Apartheid regime for the liberation of our people. I sound like a character from Game of Thrones. Anyway, whenever i tell someone that from from SA they always ask me if i met Madiba. He happens to be one of the most important people in history, will he just wander in the nearby mall? And would i ever get to see him? People here love him more than Ryan Seacrest. They’ll stomp me before I could even get a view of him.

The great Tata Madiba, looking healthy

The great Tata Madiba, looking healthy

 

4. If you land here and exchange your money, you WONT be a millionaire. That’s Zimbabwe bro.

5. Just because Richard Hammond drove here and said it was horrible doesn’t mean its true. In one episode Richard Hammond drove past Cape Point in Cape Town, SA and said that it sucked. Cape Point is amazing and mesmerizing. He must’ve been real tired.

6. One thing i CAN agree on is that the vuvuzela is an annoying piece of crap. It’s loud and cheap and like a bee buzzing but LOUDER!!! Not everyone here in SA likes it, i don’t.

The annoying and iconic Vuvuzela.

I felt that the 2010 soccer world cup really made people aware of how beautiful our country is. And if you ever have spare time on your hands, Google SA, see if you like what you see and com and pop on by!!

True harships

I take a blog to be like an online diary. sometimes its just good to get things out there.
Well. here’s my story.

When i was 8 years old my father was diagnosed with a rare disease called Wegneres Granular Mitosis. It’s a form of vasculitis and there is no cure. It’s an idiopathic disease, which means that the cause of the disease is unknown.
I’m 21 now, and i still battle to understand how that works.
Growing up with a sick parent is the worst thing in the world. Whenever my father got sick, i wished i could help him in some way. To take all his pain away. He passed away on the 14th April 2008. I’ll never forget the day, When i woke up it felt as is something was wrong. I’ll never forget how painful it was for me when they told me he died. One can often describe physical pain, when you get cut by a knife, it’s a sharp, stinging pain. But when that happens to your heart? Words don’t do it justice. It was so surreal, the way my life took  a complete 360. And i has to cope with everything. I’m still not okay with it, some days are good and some days are such a misery. But im sort of used to hardships now/.True hardships.

It took me a while to get used to everything. When i was young, i hated reading. I don’t know why, i just found it so boring, When i was 13, i went to the library with a friend,, and got hooked I’d end up reading 14 books in a week. I love the feeling when you finish a book, satisfaction.
I read this book called Forever by Sarah Dessen. Where the main character also looses a parent, i could really relate to the book. It helped me in so many ways.
So after that i started writing, short stories mainly. I always used to write, but silly things that lacked emotion.
I guess my father’s passing taught me how to explore my emotions, i was always so cooped up and afraid to show my feelings.
After i started writing, i couldn’t stop.
It was and still is the best from of therapy. It helped me in more way than i can imagine.
its been 5 years now, and like i said, i still have many issues to go through. But i take one day at a time. Because that the only way you’re going to get through.

Financially, things has been really hard on us. It’s only my mother, sister and myself. There were days where we had nothing in the cupboard! My father was the breadwinner and my mother quit her job to look after my father on his last.
So  things were really hard and its real real real crap to not have money.
My sister and I received scholarships to go to this real good high school . And during the times when we had no money, it was so hard to see all these people just splurge on things. They’d probably never counted their money to buy a packet of chips before. Like me.
And some people were so rude and arrogant, i hated seeing all those spoilt rich kids that i could never relate to.
I really miss my dad, I live in South Africa and things aren’t really safe. I know there’s crime everywhere, but SA is amoungst the highest ranking in the world. So i always felt safe when my father was around. When he died, the smallest of noises outside would send my heart scattering. I miss the overall feelings i received from my father. The small things like him wishing me on my birthday, the feeling of my hands on his back when i hugged him.
There are days when i can’t handle it, where the emotional pull on my heaert is so intense that i cry for a while. But after i cry it feels soooo much better. Crying really helps.
Well, that’s the story of my father’s death for now.

xx

Why s it so addictive?

I recently started watching Lost, the TV series. I know i am somewhat 8 years late but i hadn’t heard of it back then. So I started watching it and I’m so addicted! I’m writing my final exams and my dear friend ‘procrastination’ and “Mr-oh-i-know-that-chapter” knock on my door like, every few seconds. So instead of going through the anatomy of the heart, i watch dear sweet Sawyer and the others go through their days deserted on a very weird island. 

What is it about Lost that draws me in, mind and soul compared to other series? i think its because of the superb acting. They all pull it off really well that one feels connected with the characters.

And for anyone out there who shoots a SPOILER ALERT! It’s cool. i’ve read on the net what happens. Yet i watch it anyway…

 

Well, off to another episode..

Aaaaarrrrrgggg                                                                Image